I fell down my front porch concrete steps a few days ago.
It happened in slow motion. Not like a graceful movie slow motion, but more of an “I knew I should have gotten life-alert” moment. As soon as I hit the pavement, I laid there for a moment.
Immediately my hip, knee, and ankle said: “good luck getting up from this one.”
Now, if you know me well, you also know “Janet.” If you don’t know me well, stay tuned for another blog with details on who/what Janet is. For the sake of time here, a quick intro to Janet.
She’s my ego.
The one who pops up in my mind and tells me I’m crazy for wanting me to take a risk, tells me to shut the door of opportunity when it comes knocking, oftentimes makes things feel impossible or so much harder than they really may be.
Janet and I had a moment as I was lying on the pavement. She immediately wanted me to start crying before checking if I could move, cancel my plans for the next month, shut down my business, and move to Europe. See? She LOVES to go to the worst-case scenarios and make up irrational solutions.
I have worked really hard to learn how to put Janet on mute when necessary.
Back to reality, on the pavement, 3 bags strewn across the porch (I’m from the midwest, we DON’T make more than one trip to the car), I told Janet to pause and asked myself,
“Marisa, can you move?”
Ankle- check, hip intact- check, pride- I’ll come back to that later.
Into the house, I wobbled. I got to the bottom of the stairs and yelled for Matt.
He was doing his usual morning routine of showering while listening to his podcast on volume five-thousand, you know, in case the neighbourhood wants to tune in.
I yelled three times and there comes Janet, tap tappin’ me on the shoulder.
“You know, Marisa- you wouldn’t have fallen if Matt’s podcast wasn’t so loud. If he would have walked you out to your car like a toddler, you would be just fine. CLEARLY you should blame him.”
I went from fine to mad, frustrated, crying, pointing the finger, to WTF, breathe, laugh, and fine again, all in a span of maybe 20 seconds.
Once I was able to tell Janet to go outside and track down my pride, I collected myself.
Have I been in physical pain for the last few days? Yes.
Am I okay? Yes.
I share all of this because it relates to life.
My fall was clear as day a sign to slow down and trust more.
You see, I started my morning by waking up at 4 AM because my mind was racing. What if this, what if that, I need to do this, I need to do that, not enough, do more…
I wrote in my journal that morning as if it was a TASK, not something I enjoyed.
I went to the gym and tried to find every song possible to distract myself from the joy I received from moving and pushing my body.
I packed three bags because I knew I was going to be on the go for the rest of the day and there would be no time to slow down.
I stepped out my front door so quickly and tripped because the Universe said no, slow down- stop trying to control.
I’ve fallen harder physically, emotionally, and mentally so many times in my life. And look, here I am because I chose to get back up.
Has the climb up always been easy? No.
Have I tried to blame others for my falls? Duh.
Have I learned more than I even realize? Yes.
Will I fall again? Of course.
Falling, failing, surrendering, and standing back up don’t HAVE to be graceful or limited.
They don’t HAVE to be immediate.
The only thing I hope you make sure if is that each of these is FOR YOU.
Falling can be scary, unexpected, and so damn frustrating. Slow down, pay attention, and be present.